Monday, October 21, 2013

The One.

Today, we have been married for 7 years.  I've read all about, "the 7 year itch," and decided it's bullshit. Maybe, it's true for some, but not us.  Sure, we've gotten into ruts and challenged each other.  We've fought, we've laughed, we've cried and we've loved.
Since the day, I met him, I felt safe.  When he holds me, nothing else matters.  I literally melt into his arms at night, in this perfect indentation between his pecs and collar bone.
He is my home.


*written October 14, 2013

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Day 20... Lessons Learned.


I've been struggling with something pretty personal and hard recently.  Only a few people know about this.  [(Are we happy, Aaron?) xoxo]. I have good friends that are literally fighting what I would consider to be a war, my fight is only a battle so I don't have it in me to share this with the world and ask for help.  My husband, parents, in-laws and a few of my closest friends have helped immensely.  But, it's kinda a bitch of a battle. It's meant hours in doctors offices, scans, exams, multiple opinions, scary possibilities, fast action, quick choices, financial impacts, etc.. It's been a little rough.   It's made me weaker or perhaps my willpower is less.  Last night, I had wine with my husband.  I'm starting to notice that while I enjoy wine, I reach for it when I'm stressed, anxious or worried.  Not good.  I didn't have too much, but had some and woke up with a HORRIBLE headache, holy hell batman I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon.  I guess the reason I'm sharing all of this is I wanted to be honest with myself and the world that a little occasional cheat (my chosen indulgence is a glass of wine or a sip of gluten-free cider that I tried with friends over the weekend) isn't necessarily so little.  It actually kinda sucked.  It didn't make me feel better or comforted.  It made my head hurt, my energy low, my self-esteem and guilt kinda crappy.

So, what to do?  Get up and work on it.  Try again.  Don't give in, just because I screwed up, doesn't mean I can be lazy.  This morning after the kids went to school, all I wanted was to snack on their bagel chips that were left out on the counter and curl back up and go to bed.  Instead, I messaged with my lovely friend and companion in all of this, Shans, started steaming some spinach and poaching some eggs.  And voila! I feel better.

Poached eggs + steamed spinach, sprinkled with a ton of cayenne, curry and sea salt.  Coffee in my favorite pumpkin mug (it's fall now :-) and my dairy-free, gluten-free TJ's creamer.  I feel better.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Day 13 of the Whole30: Efficiency and Energy

Efficiency.

My body feels much more efficient.  I went almost 2 years on a Pescatarian diet and I never felt this good.  I have energy.  I sleep well.

I've lost 7.1lbs as of yesterday.


Noticeable changes:                                              
* love handles that started to creep in after giving birth are starting to melt away.   My husband swears that my butt looks tighter and my tummy is finally starting to tone.  I'm not so sure about all of that yet, but I do feel a little tighter.
* my jeans are looser
*ENERGY: last night I got my ass handed to me in a hot Yoga class.  I got up this morning and pushed the boys through the hills using a stroller to school.  I walked home quickly, hopped in the car and went to a Pump it Up weight-lifting class with a friend.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Good Pain: Day 7 of The Whole30

With the carb-flu and symptoms (ex. monster headaches) of withdrawal behind me, my energy has been restored.  My family had pizza for dinner last night and I realized it was the first time (probably ever) that I honestly wasn't even tempted to try a slice.  +1 for the Whole30.

Yesterday, I was inspired to return to Yoga Belly to try out a new teacher.  While there are some awesome teachers, my favorite instructor is sorely missed so it's hard for me to find the motivation to return.  But, I did.  I had an amazing Power class with Amber.  When she started class with a disclaimer that she was slightly injured so she was going to go easy and then clarified that she was going to go easy on herself but incredibly hard on us, I knew it would be harsh kickstart back to my practice.  And it was.  Wow.  What an ass-kicking.  After class, I raced home, parked my car and jogged up (through the hills) to my kids' school and we all walked home together.  This morning, I woke up plastered to the bed.  Every thing I could feel, hurt (in a great way).  My muscles are completely fatigued.  I'm taking it easy today and will jump back into the practice tomorrow to experience the awesomeness of John's class (which are always a great physical AND mental workout).

* My only cheat has been wine, I love wine.  Last week I didn't have any but over the weekend I had a glass at a party and have continued to have a glass with my husband in the evenings. Today, I went back to Whole Foods and replenished my stash of Kombucha (my preferred go-to substitute for my evening treat).

Tired + Tweaks: Day 2

Day 2 (actually more like Day 3 since I switched to entirely Paleo),

Today, all the nasty side effects that I heard would come in Days 1-7 arrived.  Headache? Throbbing.  Fatigue? Chronic. Granted, I've had a few other issues this week ranging from kids waking up 5-10x throughout the night, cats going crazy at 3am and a weird stomach issue that's sent me to the doctor every day for the past couple of days.

I'm tired.

I'm finding myself more tempted to give in, mainly because I'm too fatigued to fight myself on what I want now vs. what I actually want.  Not to worry, I'm typically one of those, "mind over matter" folks that can power through just about anything if I am focused.

So, now I focus and remember that this was entirely expected.  It Starts With Food describes it as,

"The first week will be tough as your body heals and adjusts to this new way of eating and your brain wraps itself around going without all its habitual sweet tastes and sugar-driven energy spikes... Since you've removed many of the dense carbohydrates from your diet (like sugars, grains and legumes), your body can no longer rely on those sugars as a primary energy source.  That often leads to "withdrawal" symptoms like headaches, lethargy, and crankiness- "the carb flu"- as your body adjusts to its new fuel source." 

I had a hard time falling asleep last night (and what little sleep I did get, thanks children wasn't good).  I peeked ahead at the expectations for days 8-14 and one of the things mentioned was falling asleep faster and easier.  Sounds great.  I look forward to it.

Tweaks...

- I had to check-in for the Yoga studio again this morning (which meant waking up at 6am to cook breakfast and be out the door by 6:30).  Today, I just couldn't do it.  I felt sick.  I went to the studio, drank water and then came home and ate after taking the children to school.  I think this worked much better for me.

- Second, I reduced the amount of protein.  Yesterday, was way too much for me.  I decided a good balance of 50/50 veggies:protein would work better for me.

*Originally written on 9/6 and moved over to this blog from a previous one.

Whole30 Day 1

Holy hell, I feel like I'm going to hurl. Yesterday, I finally finished, It Starts With Food.  (My Yoga instructor and his wife suggested that it might be good for me so I decided to check it out).  It made a lot of sense but to go from Pescatarian to Paleo is a BIG jump.

In preparation for today, I didn't have my usual glass of wine in the evening.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night (probably didn't fall asleep until WAY later) but something different happened.  I woke up BEFORE my alarm started blaring that it was time to get up and go handle check-in at the Yoga Studio. I was energized and refreshed when I woke up.  For a long time now, I've had a glass of wine in the evenings as my treat (sometimes more than a glass) but a glass with dinner was kinda my standard routine.  Last night I tried Kombucha instead.  I have tried Kombucha before and for someone that HATES the taste of vinegar it was pretty intolerable.  However, I had stomach issues earlier in the day and knew that I needed to replace the "good bacteria" in my gut so I decided it would be worth a shot.  It totally was and it tasted pretty good too.  I'm impressed.

This morning when I woke up I knew I would have to eat Meal 1 before going to the Yoga Studio (in order to really follow the rules you're supposed to eat within an hour of waking).  This meant I was cooking eggs and blanching asparagus at 6am.  Eggs are tough for me, I love them but they were the one food I could not tolerate when I was pregnant so the scent in the morning is still very tough for me to handle.  I did spice it a up a bit with a ton of cayenne and a little bit of salt.  Next, I blanched the asparagus and sprinkled it around the outskirts of my plate. I reluctantly ate it and immediately felt full (and nauseous).  The satiation is still present... hours later. 

*originally written on 9/5/13 and copied over to this blog from a previous one. 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Good Mom vs. Bad Mom

Good mom or bad mom?

Try... GREAT mom!  One of my best friends messaged me this afternoon that she was having a rough day and felt like a bad mom.  Baby wouldn't sleep, it's been a rough day, yadda yadda.. we've ALL been there and had those days.  While replying, it hit me.  Doesn't she get it?  She's a GREAT mom.

Shitty moms have bad days and don't feel badly about it.  Good moms do have good days but let's face it, Supermom doesn't exist!!!!! Sorry to bust any bubbles but, that's a fact.  Great moms have good and bad days and often feel terribly when the days don't go well.  Today, she felt terrible and it sucks/rules because she's a great mom, in_every_way.

Tips for when you are seriously about to lose it:

1. Get outside. ****If baby is safe and in the crib or otherwise SAFE (yes, emphasizing the word SAFE so I don't get nasty comments). Go OUTSIDE, preferably immediately.  I walk around my front porch, sometimes walk a circle around my house and quickly come back in.  Just having a few moments to be grateful for my home, beautiful weather and family is like an instant reset button for me. Just don't lock yourself out of your house (not that I've done that or anything ;-)

2. Do something nice for somebody else, my great-mom-friend suggested she might bake something for the neighbors.  Also, a great idea! (see, she really is so great, didn't I say that already).  Even if it means you're baking away mumbling, "fuck you" repeatedly, do it and smile.  It'll make you feel better.

3. Call, message, nag, reach out(or whatever it is you need to do) to another adult individual to vent.  Often my husband gets the grunt of this.  Yep, he's working.  No, I'm not trying to disturb him but when I'm close to entering the fetal position and crying while rocking in a corner, it's time to call for help.

Cheers to the great moms (and dads)!